Betty Brink; Spotlight on Experts

Summary
Betty Brink, author of The Main Meal Weight Management Support, provides insights into having a mindset that promotes personal health. 

After many years, programs and approaches to managing her own health, Betty found a new perspective to her wellness goals. Since that awakening, she’s been learning, teaching and coaching others in the hope of reducing the anxiety around this important topic.

Betty is nearing the finish line on a new book and remains an important support to many through her various coaching and group programs.

In addition to covering Betty’s current coaching focus, we get into the ups and downs of her path to now, and start to hear Betty’s vision for the next leg of her journey.

If you’re sick battling with your health and wellness goals, and need a little spark to encourage you to not give up, this one's for you!

Transcript

Trevor: 0:35

welcome common leaders. This is your host, Trevor and I am here with Betty brink today. The author of the main meal, a new perspective on weight loss. Betty has a really, really cool story in terms of what led her to where she is. I met her in a local San Diego group, of local entrepreneurs, and she had some really neat, vibes and perspectives to share with me on where she is now compared to where she was and previous, journeys with the quote unquote word, weight loss, and it was really inspiring and really cool. And I thought that our group as common leader listeners might be able to learn a little bit or a lot of bit from Betty. So without further ado, I'm going to jump in and let Betty introduce a little bit about what she's doing right now, because she's had really neat story and I think has a really cool future, but I love to start where we are now. Betty, welcome to common leaders.

Betty: 1:28

thank you, Trevor. It's a pleasure. And an honor to be here. I'm really happy to be on your show and to be a participant with your group. I'm excited about. right now I am a national board certified health and wellness coach. I offer a support group that's been in place since, um, 2017. I offer one-on-one coaching, mindful health coaching with regard to weight management. And I, I'm not the person that gives you another food and exercise plan. I'm I'm talking about self-esteem, self-talk untangling, self-esteem from body image, um, making conscious choices and just making choices that bring us to. So, um, I also offer, you know, classes and, uh, free email, um, like self study program. There's just lots of ways to connect I blog every week um, have a free newsletter. That'll start going

Trevor: 2:25

Okay.

Betty: 2:26

by the first of the year. So that's where I am right now.

Trevor: 2:29

Nice. Well, thank you for that. So in short, better, you do a little bit of everything as it relates to supporting people on a, on the journey that they might be on in short, which actually, uh, just popped in mind my first thought, which is with your coaching and with your clients in general, and maybe readers in general, of course, the name of your book is going to draw probably people who are considering a diet plan or a, or a workout plan or whatnot. But do you find that that's the core of the people who reach out to you or is it mindset in general that you talk a lot? I know that's what you talk a lot about, but is that also what you find, um, people the most is the, is the weight and the food.

Betty: 3:09

I believe that when people think about making a change to their body and to be really clear in spite of the title of my book, I work with men and women, and I work with people who are underweight and went to gain weight because the self-esteem issues are the same. So it's weight management. And that's really where my current business is called main meal, weight management, support, most people who think about it automatically go to food and exercise. That's all we've ever been taught. That's all you hear about. Those are all the plans that are out there. It's part of my job in, um, promoting what I do and in attracting clients to, um, educate and to explain that I believe that food and exercise come naturally. Once we get. Our heads and our hearts and the place for making changes for ourselves that support ourselves and that our life affirming. And so I attract the people who are looking for a food and exercise plan. And if they, if that's all they want, then I'm not their coach. And if they want something to go along with the food and exercise plan that they've already chosen for themselves, cause I want you to choose your own. And I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying absolutely pick the one that suits you best. And then let's talk about how you stay on it, how you stay motivated, how you stay happy within the plan that you're.

Trevor: 4:37

That's a that's really cool. Um, and I think that goes along really well in terms of the partnership in what I've learned through my life, because mental health is something I've worked a lot at in my adult life. And, uh, just from my own experience, the, the workout in the eating and, uh, if you're interested in medication, the medication, but also the counseling, it's a, it's an all inclusive. Package to try to help once, uh, direction or goals. So at firsthand experience, um, with, with similar things, but not directly the, the gain or loss of weight. So that's really cool, that you stumbled on that in terms of a place a really hyper and, and focused. And I know that it wasn't really a stumble for you. It was our brief discussions before, quite a journey that led you from you were to this new, I guess, awakening of perspective, which has now led you to being a bit of an expert on the fields that right.

Betty: 5:35

Yes, it definitely was my own personal journey. The book that you mentioned started out to be a different way to lose weight back in the day when I had been on diets and off diets from the age of 16 into my late thirties, early forties, it was just the fourth time I found myself going back to the same weight program. Like all of my thoughts were about food. It was like, how did didn't I get this way in the first place? Because I was concentrated on food all the time. And how much have I had? How much can I still have? Is this, if I eat this now, what do I have to give up later? It was just craziness in my head. And I found that I couldn't even have a conversation with my friends without talking about my weight or the diet that I was on or the diet that I just failed on or the diet I was going to try. And I wanted to talk about something else I wanted to live my life. I think I missed out on a lot of potential friendships and I, and I short, I gave, I gave, I shortened some of the relationships I was in by the fact that I was so focused on my weight and not focused on my friend, my partner, whoever it was that my family, the people in my life to be interested in them to be interested in anything but my weight. And so I had this thought, if you think it's about the food, you miss the main. And that's actually going to be the title of my second book, but I knew there had to be a different way. There had to be a different way to approach weight loss or weight management. And I went on a 25 year journey of exploring that. Personally, I learned through books through tapes, through shows to turn my self-talk around, to value the good parts of me equally with the parts that I wanted to change. And I didn't like as much. And when I finally published the book, instead of being a different way to lose weight was my journey of coming from a place of deep insecurity to a place of loving myself, no matter what size, age weight I had become. And so that's the first book. The second book goes into a lot of lot deeper. It will be out.

Trevor: 7:40

That's awesome.

Betty: 7:41

it will be out shortly, but, um, it, it takes a deeper dive on some of those things.

Trevor: 7:45

Okay, nice. That that's uh, I I'm sure that's a very. Probably the most consolidated version of the story. And I appreciate you putting it into, into contexts like that of, of so many years of weaving your way through it. Um, uh, yeah, it, it really is a deep, deep topic to go to go through and it connects to everything. And that's actually the, the cool part. And what I think is kind of the neat part of both the title of your book, but the core of what you are about and what you're hoping to help people with is that you sort of, you sort of reel them in with something that a lot of people are looking for, you know, to your, to your point earlier about losing or gaining, trying to change something about their, their body image in particular, especially in the world of Instagram and pictures everywhere. but then I would, I would think that you probably have the chance to have a more profound impact on somebody than just their body image, because. Talking much more broadly than that. Do you find that to be the case with your coaching clients, but also yourself.

Betty: 8:54

Absolutely. You know, some of the people in my life who've read my book, um, just said, you know, I don't have a weight problem, but there's all kinds of things in here that speak to me. And, and my clients will say, you know, I've lost some of they've lost varying degrees of weight, different numbers and different, you know, as from, from 25 pounds that has now never come back in four years to 70 pounds that came back during COVID. But the attitude now is, oh, I know how to do this. I've done it before. No regret, no shaming, no blaming just, yeah. Now it's time to get up and move again. Um, but they universally say, but you know what? I'm so much happier than I was. I just feel so much better. And, and I believe our underlying motivation for wanting to change our bodies to live a happier life in some way or other we're unhappy. We're either miserable with our appearance, with how we feel with, um, with the way we fit into society, the way we see ourselves. And if the underlying goal is to be happy, we don't get there through deprivation. We don't get there through shaming and blaming. We get there through making choices that bring us joy. And so that's, that's really where, we go with this. And I, I come to it with an attitude of acceptance. My underlying motivation to do this work is to build community based on acceptance. And I don't make people wrong for they are, what they think, how they. We're just accepting you where you are and then where do you want to go? Let's move from there.

Trevor: 10:38

Yeah, for sure. as you were describing, especially the last half of, of kind of what you just said, I had about 4 45 thoughts and questions I'll pop through my mind at once. Um, but I I'm, it it's, it's just interesting. One of the, I think one of the things that I think about the most when I and experience, and especially when I experienced something for the first time, that's a new, maybe a little different, yeah. Then what we're being fed on a regular basis. No pun intended, like yoga, for instance, um, has a similar sort of acceptance or meditation. It's an acceptance approach. and one of the things I've struggled with, because most of the exposure to those type of routines, including approaches like yours, which I've had some exposure to, where do you draw the line? Um, between someone who has a goal and accepting them where they are, is that tough for you as someone who wants to help and support with success? Like if somebody has a tangible or specific goal, but you're also coming from the accepting mindset. How has a coach, and as somebody in this field, do you help balance that?

Betty: 11:51

um, that's a really good question and an interesting question and one that I struggled with for a long time and what, um, what the reality is is that there really is no conflict between saying, this is where I am right now. I accept that this is where I am right now. I can love myself exactly the way I am and I can still want something different. I it's okay to have a desire to change. That's the only thing constant in our lives is that we will change and change will happen. So why not make the changes I desire and then except myself as I go along part of my. Part of my journey and getting to where I am now is that I did successfully quote, unquote, lose 50 pounds over the course of a year. I kept it off for a year and a half. And during that year and a half, I was terrified of every bite of food that went in my mouth. I didn't believe that that was my normal size and weight. I couldn't accept that this is who I was now and that I would never put it back on. Again. I lived in fear because I didn't bring my head and my heart along on the physical journey. I made the changes physically, but I didn't mature enough along that journey and accept that every change I made was part of who I was and was consciously done enough to keep the weight off. And eventually it came back and then some, there, it may seem like a dichotomy it's may seem like a difference to say accept myself the way I am, but it's okay. Let's make a different analogy. I've been married in the past. I'm not married. Now that choice was made consciously. It was okay to want something different. respect and honor my former partner. I still, know, believe that he is a very good person. weren't good together. And so I accepted who we were, where we were in our relationship and it was okay to want to go onto something different. You know, it's just, it's just, we're going to move and grow. So let's do it. Joyfully. Let's do it.

Trevor: 14:14

Yeah, no, I'm, I'm digging into, into some of my own thoughts. what, uh, how does that, how does that, um, partner with, something like timelines, um, coming, come from the business world pretty recently, it's an interesting conundrum that I think. I faced on a routine basis. And I think a lot of people, especially they come from a more accepting, or I guess maybe my personal background of creativity. Um, it's a really fine balance with how those things push up to timelines and the day-to-day world. any advice for, I will say selfishly for me whether it's a, a self image, talk, or just talk in general with how you accept your current state and be present. I would imagine while also, also, um, living in the world that we live in, sometimes it was just, day-to-day kind of hectic. How do you balance that? That's a lot. just, I'm curious how you put it all together.

Betty: 15:18

so a timeline in a business world or in a work setting is very, very different from a timeline in a personal goal. And I'm just going to state that flat out. You know, there are, there are certain obligations that we meet as an employee or a self-employed, you know? So, so those are, those are one set of timelines. I'm not gonna speak for everybody, but I speak about it in my book for me personally. To set a timeline to lose a certain number of pounds was a setup for failure. Absolutely never could need it. And what I came to with myself is yes, I want to change. I have a goal I want to get to, um, how long am I willing to take to work toward that goal? How long am I willing to take to get to a place where I'm happy? And for me personally, I've had some physical challenges in the meantime, um, and health related challenges, but the thing is I'm willing to work my lifetime be happier. And if that includes a lifetime to lose down to the goal that I want fine, it includes that I lose a certain amount of weight and that's where I get to, I'm going to learn to accept that too. So the timelines, I honor. In coaching. What my goal is, is to move you from point a to point B.

Trevor: 16:37

No.

Betty: 16:38

we can do that in a period of coaching in normally a coaching relationship lasts four to six months. If we can move you from point a to point B in six months, we've made progress. And what I hoped during that four to six months is that you get some skills, you get some new attitudes, you get you find a self-confidence and again, I don't lead the coaching. I'm helping you find your own solutions. I'm helping you discover that you have everything within you that you need to reach any goal you want. I'm here asking questions. I'm witnessing with you, I'm supporting and I'm affirming you. And you're doing all the work. You're the one finding your inner resources. You're the one setting your own goals. You're the one setting your own timelines. And I'm here to say yes, yes, yes. You can do this. So. It's a fuzzy answer to a fuzzy question.

Trevor: 17:32

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, no, that, that, it's, it's helpful, to hear, uh, especially where you started with making the distinction, between of goals, I guess, or types of timelines that one could encounter, but I'm taking some notes in particular because this is for me to hear too, just as a, as an individual. I hope it helps listeners in general, but what you said about, um, how long are you willing to wait to be happy? I think is, This is profound. It's simple because it's a tank. Like you can kind of get your arms around it initially, but you could go pretty deep with, um, asking that question of yourself. to that end? Do you integrate any tools or have any suggestions to help with defining happy for yourself that you would, you would be able to share or, other resources that help to answer that question for someone

Betty: 18:24

yeah, there's, there's several exercises that I integrate, particularly when I'm teaching and teaching's a little different from coaching, but, um, but one, so the first place that I tackle is self-talk and the first way to turn self-talk around is to hear what you say to yourself. so the first two, it was, um, just listen to the thoughts that you have. Just make a, make a commitment to hear what you say to yourself. Anytime you hear yourself saying, I'm an idiot, that's one of my favorites. Okay. No, I'm not an idiot. You know, just notice it, mark it down. How many times a day do you say something, you know, that, that beats you down instead of builds you up. once you know what you say, every time you hear it, turn it around, say something different. Oh, I'm not an idiot. I just haven't learned this yet. I'm not very good at this. I can get better. You know, those types of things.

Trevor: 19:14

Yeah.

Betty: 19:15

thing that you can do to experience more joy is. So this is an exercise. I love remember a time that you felt really, really happy. Maybe you were on vacation. Maybe you won an award. Maybe you accomplished something. Maybe somebody praised you and you felt really good. that time, bring it into memory, feel it in your body. How do your shoulders feel? How does your face feel? How does your stomach feel? Feel that time in your body.

Trevor: 19:42

Yeah.

Betty: 19:43

then when you make a choice and when you make a decision, notice how your body feels and practice making the choices and making the decisions that bring back that happy feeling, because those are the choices and the decisions that increase your joy. the, when we put the balance on joyful choices more often than we make choices that tightness up and, and have our shoulders up against our ears and our stomach clenching, we're, then we're increasing our happiness. And this is choice in every aspect of life. It doesn't to be choice of food, just make it the one that brings you to. That relaxes your body and you as you're feeling good.

Trevor: 20:22

Nice. I was laughing a little at the end because my clenches and my jaw, you mentioned find your, you know, to put it in a cheesy kind of cliche way, find your happy place, but you didn't say that you said, what does it feel like? What does it smell? Like, what do you hear? What do you like, what's going on in the environment? And, in the fewest amount of words possible, I love that. And the reason I love that is because when I was in business consulting, when we would teach executive teams and leader, quote, unquote leadership teams, management teams, how to create a vision, that's one of the places that we frequently started you know, not what is your goal or what is your mission, if, if you reach success, what does it feel like? What does it smell like? what, what is the environment like? Because those are things that the human brain gets a little more excited about than just a image, scrawled on a piece of paper. Um, so that um, that's really neat that you're bringing that to people because again, one of them, of my prime motivations with common leaders is bring. More of what the business world, or I guess what the academic world has reserved for the business world, which is leadership training bring that more to people. And that's a really outstanding, um, way to bring it down around this topic is, is that piece, one of the other things you just mentioned that the hear yourself and turn it around. Do you have a specific thing, that you would like to share from your own story of a piece of self-talk and it doesn't have to be heavy necessarily just whatever comes to mind or sticks out in your brain from early on in your journey that you had to turn around and, and what that was.

Betty: 22:08

I, I, I felt like I, I didn't mention. felt like no matter what I did, I wasn't good enough. I didn't, there was always some standard. And usually one that I said, but that I felt like others were setting for me that, um, I, I could never measure up to and what I, and it was a concept more than a specific phrase in what I had to do. And, and I kind of got here through a, through a meditation one day, what I had to do was list the things that I had done. What have I accomplished? What, what am I good at? What did I learn to do? What do I measure up in? What can I do well and keep the list where I could see it, review it, think about it every day and just build up a sense of I can I have skills, I have mad skills. have skills and things that I can do. And I'm not inferior to everybody. I do some things better than others. I do some things worse than others, but I'm as accomplished in my own way as anybody who's around me. And I don't need to meet any certain standard, whether imposed from the outside or from within myself to be, uh, a worthwhile person. I really had to build my self esteem I was in, I was at the bottom of the barrel.

Trevor: 23:42

What was, uh, what was the thing at the top of your list, or somewhere on your list that you're willing to share? That was super impactful. When you thought about that list early on.

Betty: 23:52

we're going back a lot of years. I don't know if I can. It's. Um, you know, I, I was managing a small business at the time. I didn't own it. I was technically a partner with the owners, but I had a hundred percent operational control of a twin screen, movie theater and, and I, and I'm made it succeed in a town that was really tough sell. I'm trying to keep a movie theater open. And so it's like, you know, don't, don't discount this. It doesn't matter that it's a twin screen in a small town instead of a 10 flex in a major city. I'm doing it. And it's all on me. And the owners just take, you know, write the checks when I tell them this is what we're doing. So, you know, it's like, how do you discount that? How do you say that you don't measure up to some standard when you're actually out there in the business world and succeeding kind of by the seat of your pants and you're doing it pretty.

Trevor: 24:55

Yeah. Nice. Thanks. Thanks for taking, taking us back a little bit. I was, I was, was digging. I was trying to get to the, the original, like the opposite of the original sin, like the original moment that helped you start to turn it around, um, in terms of even turning around, but turning in a direction that was Um, it's a funny movie. I don't know if people are going to movie theaters anymore. Super and COVID times, but, um, that's,

Betty: 25:30

don't get me started.

Trevor: 25:35

cool. Cool. Do you, you said you also do some teaching, but maybe talk a little bit, if you would, about how this works maybe differently in a group and what type of success, um, or what type of impact. Cause I want to take the word success out of it. What type of impact does it have to learn this type of routine in a group versus one-on-one.

Betty: 25:57

I, I took my first book and turned it into an eight week course. Um, and eventually after that, I, I wanted to, I realized that that was a whole lot of information and a whole lot of pretty deep concepts to try and communicate in eight weeks. So I took, um, the first three chapters and turned it into a six week course and, um, or the first three concepts, and those are self. Choice and, and, um, and change. And those are, um, I do have that in a teaching setting where I will present a concept and then facilitated discussion around it and have actual exercises to do and send people away with homework or do homework, you know, do the exercises in class one way or another. And that's a, that's a course that I have, um, actually a recorded version of it online, yo know, more. I also offer it in January, usually in, during the year live. Um, and when we're in the group setting, that's a combination of teaching and coaching. I will bring, because I, I bring a topic every week to the group setting. And that turns into the blogs that I publish. Um, Every week on, on my website. Um, but I'll bring a topic and then we facilitate the discussion and then it goes into coaching because I'm no longer teaching. It's like, what do you do with that? How could you find more information about that? What would a way that, you know, what would be a good option for you and, and where do you want to take that concept and go with it? So that's more of the coaching technique is, you know, what are you want to do with it? Where do you want to go with it? that make, does that feel useful to you or not? But that's where group setting is kind of a combination of teaching and coaching. And, and just before I get off the topic of teaching, I'm also teaching the coaching class that I took in 2020. So I'm I'm part-time teacher. I do all this other coaching work, coaching and teaching on my own

Trevor: 28:01

Very cool. Which is, what is the name of that coaching class that you are now teaching? I think I got all those words tied together, right?

Betty: 28:11

Yeah. Um, you can find that@guidingmindfulchange.com, it's called the mindful and meaningful coach certification. Um, but guiding mindful change.com is an organization founded by a dear friend of mine. She's been training coaches for 20 years in her courses, um, certified by the national board of health and wellness coaches as a, as a provider, a prerequisite for you sitting for the national board exam. And so that's the path I've been on for the past two years is I took the course. sat for the exam and passed it. I am now a nationally, uh, national board certified health and wellness coach. And in the meantime, Billy Francis, the one who founded that program came to me and asked if I would teach. So, um, Yeah, so that's kind of, I that's who I am right now. I love to coach and I love to train coaches. I love to teach coaching and I love to coach. So that's kind of a combined retirement practice for me.

Trevor: 29:11

That's that's so cool. And I would clap and fist a fist bump for you normally. But I think our audio and video video are lagging a little bit, so it's going to look really awkward if I do that. But, again, it was just kind of an interesting journey when I think about, uh, because Betty and I talked a little bit prior to this discussion, when I think about some of, the really early on stuff, buddy, that you mentioned, in, in working, I think at one point, even in a factory, and then you kind of sat yourself down in this period of your life and get a coaching certificate and not just get a coaching certificate into pick on the diet plans. That's what they do. whole pyramid. Get your certification and teach others and make a bunch of money. Uh, you are now teaching it at the recommendation of the leader, which is so cool. And just want to take a moment to recognize, um, how, how neat that is and congratulations. And I, and I think it's really, really neat that you've, um, the travel, the path you have and now to found yourself in this moment, um, I think is really cool. And I hope that someday I can find myself in a, an, a version of a career path where I am completely unexpected, probably. Cause if you were to tell, have told yourself this a decade ago or 20 years ago have had those sounded a little off the grid, right?

Betty: 30:33

yeah. I, nothing in my life kind of really surprises me, but this would not have been when I predicted I absolutely would not have envisioned this year. Right. And yet it's so, um, natural and organic and it feels like absolutely, you know, you can feel when you're, when you're in the flow. When, when things are just, all the doors are opening and everything's working in alignment with yourself, with your core values, with everything around you, that's a hundred percent where I am now. And if I had, if I had had one wish for my retirement, this would be it to feel this good and be this comfortable in, in my after corporate work here. Yeah.

Trevor: 31:17

Cool. Well, I'm going to cut the audio and I'm going to take a moment and clap for you and I'll make the audio match up later because that's so neat that you, uh, can say that. Uh, I just, I think it's, it's super, super neat. And I think just in that, in that recognition alone, have a ton to offer, folks that are trying to find, you know, what's next for them, regardless of where they are. Um, so congratulations, Betty. Are

Betty: 31:43

Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, I'm doing it.

Trevor: 31:49

That's so cool. Uh, so your, your story is of course at the top of the list of success stories, I would imagine in your world and you should be happy about that. And that's why I wanted to celebrate it. That's a big, a little thing and is a big thing. do you have any stories from that you've met since you began the coaching certification? A couple of years ago that you know, of course, without giving away any information, but, um, any particularly cool stories that you'd be able to share.

Betty: 32:23

I've got three or four directions going in my head. I'm not exactly sure. Are you asking for stories of other people I've met in the coaching?

Trevor: 32:30

more so a stories from your own experience as a coach and teacher, and with the many things that you've been doing around this topic, that sticks out is as one of your favorite story, I know from my own coaching experience, you just have a couple people that usually stick with you,

Betty: 32:46

Yeah. there are a couple, um, one is, uh, a woman who, um, I coached, I we're, we're encouraged not to coach our friends and she was, um, she became a friend. She was more an acquaintance. Um, and she had multiple, multiple health challenges and she really, really struggled during COVID and, and we would, we were, we did telephone coaching. I do coaching by zoom and by phone, but she was a fun phone client and she would always start with, uh, not been a good day. I don't know if I can do this. Uh, this might not be the right time to coach. And, uh, almost every conversation started that way and I'd say, okay, we can, we don't have to, you know, this need to happen today. We can postpone, or we can leave it till next week and she'd go, well, here's what's going on. And then she would talk and then we would get going and we would get going. And at the end of every conversation, she went, wow, I feel better. Thank you so much. I'm really glad we did this. And she was the sweetest person. And, and to know that that hour, once a week had that impact on her because didn't make huge amounts of progress and actually not from COVID, but during the past year, she

Trevor: 34:04

Um,

Betty: 34:04

passed away. She had, I said, multiple, multiple health challenges, but to have had any impact at all on a person who had a real trouble seeing. Uh, reason to feel hopeful was like, they kept me going. showed up for those calls eager. And first

Trevor: 34:24

Yeah.

Betty: 34:25

week, knowing that, knowing how they came out, you know, she was probably one of the most impactful. one is my, is my guy. You know, he, my weight management group started with two people. Those stupid two people are still with me four years later and others have come in and out, dropped in and out, but he actually gained weight for the first four months that we had the group. all of a sudden something four or five months in kicked in with him, something changed and 70 pounds melted off of this guy within six months just absolutely dropped 70 pounds and, and whatever it was, it was going on in anyone to his primary care physician who said, gosh, that's too fast to lose that weight. You better take that. And he did, and it completely solves his progress because person told him he was losing weight too fast. So then we all got locked down and sheltered in and you know, he didn't move anywhere and he didn't go anywhere. He quit walking and, um, he loved he's somebody that loves the gym. This is somebody that's a couple hundred pounds overweight and absolutely loves to go to the gym and workout. couldn't go to the gym and, and now he's working again. He's going to the gym. He, he just, when he, when he started back in instead of, oh, I wish I hadn't done this to myself. Why did I go there? Why did I let the weight come on? is now I know how to do this. I did it before. This is easy. I'm going like this. This is going to be no problem whatsoever. And that's like inspiring to me that could come out of this course. Cause, cause my whole thing is. The attitude and the choice of how we think about ourselves. And so to have of my clients have that attitude just like, affirming that what I'm doing makes a difference.

Trevor: 36:17

Yeah. it's one thing, like, as you said, I'm just repeating it, but I know from my own research, especially recently on habits and how they form is one thing to develop a habit or a routine. Yes. likely that you'll lose it. Um, what is not necessarily likely in a, certainly that I think the toughest part is getting back into the routine after having lost it. So, um, shout out both to your program and to that individual for the progress, I'm sure your program like your quote-unquote program and the words and the structure helps, but our brief interactions, I think one thing that you bring to the table, if it's not already on your list is that you like, you better, you radiate a bit of, I care about you and I want to engage with you. Um, and you don't waste a whole lot of time in verbalizing that either. So I think that's a real gift you have for it. And I'm sure that that helped, um, helps in general with your coursework is not just the courses and the design, but also what you bring to it. So, thanks for doing that a person who needs help sometimes.

Betty: 37:24

Thank you, Trevor. I really appreciate that. Thank you, sir.

Trevor: 37:28

Yeah. Um, I have a question on a similar note that is. Important to me of my background in coaching, I'm really curious to hear your take and there's, I don't want to like, press that there's a right or wrong way to answer it, but, um, maybe you could talk a little bit about what you believe in what your experience, both experience and education at this point have shown you makes a quote unquote, a good coach and good coach within the field of, uh one-on-one and in teaching coaching, and for a user, what to watch out for what to look for in

Betty: 38:10

so there there's a real distinction between among coaching therapy. You know, an advisor, um, therapy is usually, you know, processing or healing consulting. You have an expert who, um, has some expertise, some experience, and they are, teaching and imparting that expertise to another entity or a person to help them move their business or their organization forward, um, mentoring, same type of thing. It's much more one-on-one, here's someone who's down the path and you're bringing someone along the path, you know, who's following in your footsteps, um, coaching, and this is not just me. This is. In literature in honestly, when I studied for that test, I had five different textbooks. this is textbook coaching. The, the, the wellness coach is not an expert. We don't have the information, we don't impart it. We don't give it to anyone. We how to ask questions both facilitate action and kind of bring out insights so that the person or client or coachee finds within themselves, the resources, the skills, the confidence to move themselves forward. My, my teacher always said, if you're doing the work, you're doing it wrong. Your client is the one who does all the work. This is, we can do this and we can do it a lot because we're not. Working at it. We are, we are witnessing, were facilitating, supporting, we're providing this space for a person develop their own abilities in coaching world. We call it self efficacy. And that's a big word for saying the client figures out they do know how to do something. And that's the whole point of coaching. That's where coaching is

Trevor: 40:21

Yeah.

Betty: 40:22

from some of the other, um, things in a person who's a life coach, hopefully does the same thing. They tell a person how to live their life. help a person discover how to fully live their own life. And that's in that's what we do in wellness coaching is how do you figure out to take care of yourself into, into increase your.

Trevor: 40:44

That's an excellent description. Uh, not that you need my validation for it. I really liked it. Um, and I appreciate the, the delving into it a little bit. I know, I know again from the world,

Betty: 40:56

the textbooks justice.

Trevor: 40:59

well, we can look it up too. I'm big on, as I've mentioned, mentioned in our Brie call a big on references, so I'll try to find some supporting documentation for it. I love to hyperlink things for people, which, which is other that I didn't want to lose, but,

Betty: 41:15

I'll send you, I'll send you a couple of the textbooks,

Trevor: 41:17

Okay. you and I both know that because I live in San Diego that I probably don't have room for extra textbooks in my tiny apartment. you have a broad, um, way of looking, not a broad way of looking at things. It's actually kind of narrow in some ways where you focus on specific things, but because it can be applicable in such a broad area, it pops into my mind. So many questions and connections of where it could be helpful for someone all the way from. Like, honestly, just getting out of bed each morning through, you know, someone who's going through a health crisis. Um, and you mentioned that one of your clients was going through that. And I know certainly right now where we stand in human history, there's a lot of people going through that. So I just I'm flooded with questions because I want to, I want to try to pull your knowledge and put it on display for folks and hopes of both validating all the work that you do, but also for helping them, but also recognize that is not a three hour podcast. So, I want to move to a couple of my favorite questions to ask someone, what would you have told yourself? Or what would you like to go back and whisper in your own ear? 3, 4, 5 years ago that you think might have helped you accelerate or something that you think was attainable to you then that you just wish that somebody would've whispered in your ear?

Betty: 42:54

couple of things. One is, one is you can learn from other people, but you're your own expert. And, and, and along with that, relax, it's not that hard. Just relax.

Trevor: 43:10

Part of me thinks that your, your former self would have been a bit offended by that last part, but I'll let it slide. Uh, it's it's good advice, but, but your past self knows that you're full of it. When you said that, it's, it's solid advice though, and, and knowing you're your own expert, like, is there any statement that you've said so far? And I think the answer is no, that speaks more truly to what you, one of the things you started with, which was, find your happiness and make, make your happiness, your goal, and know what that feels like, smells like it is for you. so yeah, if you don't know yourself enough, then of course that's going to be. And possible potentially challenge. And you'll be trying to fulfill somebody else's, somebody else's version of success for you constantly. So that's good advice for your former self that I'm sure they wished they had known and really, really solid advice to anyone who finds themselves in a similar circumstance to you, as they might listen to this. So thanks for that. how about as you think of the future is really important to the recent and current success of Betty brink you hope that is still there in three years, you're most unwilling to lose that you just, might worry about losing it, but you just don't want to lose it an element of what you're up to now.

Betty: 44:36

I hope that I never stopped paying attention to what I talked about before. What feels like the flow. I want to stay aware. Th in, in here's what's been going on recently is, is two years ago. I joined this group where I met you because I did want to begin building my retirement practice. And I knew marketing was my least developed skill. And I wanted to learn how to build a business and do all this. And so here's this course and this guru and this marketing technique, and this, you can do this, you could do this. I can help you. I can help you.

Trevor: 45:14

Yeah. Yeah.

Betty: 45:15

picking and choosing, but feeling always again, like not getting this, I'm not doing it as well as somebody else. I don't want to do it that way. I really, this person is somebody I could work with, but maybe not this one. And finally, I came to a place of understanding there are similar techniques taught in different ways. And at the same time, that I understand kind of the bigger picture for what this is about and what I need to do, to do it my way. I need to stay true to

Trevor: 45:46

Hmm.

Betty: 45:46

am. it authentically as Benny brink, not the way. Hmm, this person, this guru teachers, and not the way this guru

Trevor: 45:54

Yeah,

Betty: 45:55

but how do I take those things implement them so that they feel good to me and they feel right to me. And if I'm don't do that for the rest of my life, I'll kick my own I'm sorry. I don't know if I can say that on your show or not. kick my own butt. Um,

Trevor: 46:13

I'll probably bleep it out, but it's totally fine. You go.

Betty: 46:16

lesson in life that that's the whole, that's the whole point. That's what we're all trying to get to just be authentic to who I am. That's what I want to keep going.

Trevor: 46:30

Nice. That's a, that's a clip that I might have to cut out of there. So you can have that specific audio clip and replay that for yourself. as your own little pep-talk Betty to Betty here, here's what we're going to talk about. I think it's good to have those. That was good. Uh, I appreciate that fire.

Betty: 46:48

there you go.

Trevor: 46:48

what I, along those lines, when, especially when you talked about owning your own style of coaching and your own version of this philosophy, what is. What I'm going to go to the happy thing I'm going to reword my whole question that I had in my head, because I have my notes here that are screaming at me for some of the things that I wrote down that you said earlier on. Um, and I keep going back to that, find your happy. And I want to know, uh, I'm, I'm imagining Betty as she releases this, uh, this new book, in the next few months or quarters, uh, in the near future ish. And you're in front of a group of, I don't know, a hundred people, and they're broken out into groups of 10 at some fancy hotel downtown that nobody stays at because Airbnb, uh, so you have the whole place to yourself. You have this nice big group. Um, and you're talking about both was in your first book, but also the new stuff in your second book. And at the end you have like a line of, let's say 10 or 12, because out of a hundred, probably 10 or 12, people are going to take the time to stop and say something to you. I want to know what is gonna make Betty so good. What do you hope that somebody gets out of it? what would they say to you that would just make you feel like that? That's what I'm going for. I feel so good right now. What you just said is right on point.

Betty: 48:17

I've been looking for this all my life.

Trevor: 48:19

Um,

Betty: 48:21

I've been looking for something I've I've I finally feel like somebody gets me. That's what it is. I finally feel like someone understands. I just, I felt so alone all my life through the, through the 25 years of writing that book off and on. And, and I, I do this. Excuse me. I do this that at least one person doesn't feel as alone as I felt I people are. And I'm every pun intended. People are hungry and thirsty for what I have to give. And if, if, if I change and I impact one person who feels understood where they didn't feel understood before, and I can provide a safe space for them to explore their vulnerability, then I've done my job.

Trevor: 49:17

Yeah, I want to let that one just hang for a second. awesome. Um, I have doubt that you will find yourself in that place. as you launch into this next moment in your career, professionally and personally, um, I, I feel pretty confident that you're going to find success. I think that you have a great approach to just being a human, but also with your experience and what you teach and can coach about. Um, so I appreciate you going through that little, that little vision exercise with me because, um, I want it to be there in that room with you. I started to see the room and now I wanted to know what it sounded like afterwards. So thanks for taking us through that a little bit. Um, and of course, common leaders by your side, whatever we can do to help promote that success. Um, Is well in the bounds of what I'm trying to do is part of a community of more empowering of people and not, I, I, I'm just going to say it. It just came to mind, but not oppressing people and crushing people with, um, feeling like they need to make. Outstanding changes to also be happy and reach their goals. what we've talked about today, what you've shared with me today has been super valuable, for me, but I think also lines up perfectly with, what I hope listeners of this podcast, can find through listening to it. So thank you so much. before we go any further, I want to make a hard shift into how can people support Betty? What is the next step for Betty? I know the, the book releases coming, remind us what the ETA on that is. And then also, where can people go to find all things, Betty brink and the main meal coaching.

Betty: 51:13

okay. Thank you so much. First of all, Trevor, for that, for that vision too, I like your vision. I'm going to support that. Maybe a little bigger. Um, but, um, Uh, so, um, I do have, um, currently I'm getting I'm in the let's let's regroup here. the primary website to find, um, coaching and all the activity. The services that I offer is dot the w M s.com. that's all one word. The main meal WMS stands for weight management support. the main meal, wms.com. is there. I do have another website, Betty brink.com, which is kind of more for my speaking. Um, there's a link to the main meal from that website too. You can get there back and forth between the two websites. Um, I'm in the process of offering, uh, uh, putting together. A new monthly email. That'll come out with just two sayings, one from the group, support blog

Trevor: 52:21

Okay.

Betty: 52:22

just kind of a little something uplifting in your inbox every month. be out before Christmas. Right now you can sign up for a free email that comes every other week. That has one of my full topics, two practices, and two affirmations. You get a little gift with that one too. Um, then the blog is there. All of my way, coaching the group, the support group is there, um, recorded course that I'm offering in January is all at the main meal WMS stuff. the

Trevor: 52:53

Awesome. Thank you. one quick, really specific question to follow up on that if somebody is hesitant or somewhere in the decision-making process about considering a program or considering a change that, that you might be able to help with, what is the fastest and quickest way, and is there, like, what is, what does that process look like for someone who's a potential new client? Is there an opportunity for them to reach out to you to just chat about things, um, before jumping into the full-throated coaching?

Betty: 53:23

yeah, I'm on the, Betty at the main meal. wms.com gets my attention. I will, I will respond. answer all my emails. I'm, you know, totally well email back to you I'm on the mindful way coaching page, is a link to schedule a free strategy session. that's a 90 minute block of time. I'm willing to talk to you about anything and everything that I do. It doesn't have to be you're interested in. One-on-one coaching. Just schedule an appointment with me and, you have the choice to schedule it by phone or by zoom. If we don't take 90 minutes, you only want to talk um a half an hour, schedule the time anyway. And, um, just use that link schedule a free strategy session. on the mindful weight coaching page at the main meal, wms.com. It's absolutely. Don't make a decision without talking to me. I'd love to

Trevor: 54:17

Oh, cool. Thank you. I appreciate you sharing that piece of it. I just want to make sure that people could get to you as quickly and as effectively and as efficiently as possible. Betty, I am, as I mentioned so grateful for your time, I'm also grateful for your years of training ups and downs and gathering of both good stories and bad stories to put together in, in what is now, um, your life's work essentially to be able to talk the way you talk and have the presence that you have. thank you for that. And thank you for sharing some time with the common leaders crew today. I hope that you'll tell us as soon as the book new book is out. So maybe we could chat a little bit about that. again, Betty brink. Thank you so much.